Updated: Apr 7
Since my IG live on boundaries with Fiona Mccoss I have been thinking A LOT about my body, my spirit, who I am and what it means to be female, to be feminine and to be a womxn.
I’ve known, as does everyone, that to be a womxn was to be controlled, dictated to, shamed and repressed. I’ve thought and felt about where the patriarchy comes from and how far we’ve still got to go.
Early on in my rape healing journey I started to learn about feminism. Feminism wasn’t taught at my school and my mum didn’t have a clue. She probably still doesn’t. I remember talking to my counsellor at the rape crisis centre and I was surprised when she openly declared that the rape crisis centre was a feminist guided organisation. This blew my tiny little brain at the time. Here was this compassionate, kind hearted, hardcore women, frankly and nonchantly placing her flag in the feminine like it was everyday occurrence. To her maybe it was, to me it was the start of something wickedly profound.
I’m guessing my darling that at some stage you’ve blamed the sexual violence that a man committed against you, on yourself.
I’m guessing that you blame your relentless busyness, needing to do everything all the time, can’t lay in or sit in silence (because the nasty voices inside your head are too loud and when you're still they get So Much Louder And Nastier) on yourself. I’m betting you’ve told yourself that this is just the way you are.
Or maybe my darling you are emotionally mutilated by sexual violence. You are wasted and weak by the overwhelm of what happened. I’m wagering that the nasty voices tell you that you are useless, pathetic and worthless. And it doesn’t get any easier when you can just about open the curtains in the morning, let alone answer a text or step out of the front door.
When I was where you are now, I thought it was my fault. I thought the reason I couldn’t embrace my feminine, my body, the spirit and core of who I am was because I wasn't good enough, despite trying everything I could. I thought that to be female was to suffer, to be less of, to struggle, to always be at the end of the list or the bottom of the pile.
I’m here to tell you right now.
This. Is. Not. The. Case
There’s no way around it my darling, to feel happier and whole, you’re going to have to do the emotional healing work. Which is as scary as hell, ugly and vomit inducing. But it is soooooooooo fucking worth it. You know what they say about hell don’t you. When you’re going through hell, don’t stop - keep on going!
There is a rebirth, You will feel like you’ve just been born, new, delicate, fresh, bold, free. Everything EVERYTHING that you're struggling with over and over and over again, will die. Scary right, but so fucking awesome.
The power of feminine is inside of you, even if you don’t feel it or understand it yet.
I think you are capable of EVERYTHING you want.
I think you are a wondrous, divine and powerful female.
And I love you.