"I needed to understand what I was experiencing and feeling... Was this a life sentence that, through no fault of my own, I was never going to be able to escape. ?"
Leanna Larkin -Creative Founder
I Get It
In March 2019 I reported 4 cases of serious sexual violence. As time went on and I blindly stumbled into what felt like never-ending darkness I had to tell my partner, my children, my parents, my boss and my friends. Not because I wanted to tell them, but because what I was going through, what I was experiencing and feeling was too big to hide.
Initially, after a three-month wait, I received 20 counselling sessions with Rape Crisis. They were brilliant and I will forever hold awe and gratitude for my counsellor. However, when my time was up I had only just started scratching the surface of my healing journey and had ironically just started working with the police in bringing the men that had done this to me to justice.
I didn't know where to go and I didn't have anyone to turn to. The after-effects of rape are, unfortunately (as I write this) so very isolating. I was terrified of leaving my home, I wouldn't let anyone in the house. I stayed in my bedroom for three months and would sit, in silence all day and not notice the day passing. I was even too scared to open a window or even to go into my back garden. There were days when even turning the radio on was too much, however in between living hour by hour I felt a need. I needed to understand what I was experiencing and feeling. I wanted to know the history of it, I wanted to know the neuroscience behind it. I wanted to know the laws, the psychology. I wanted to know how trauma was stored in the body and how to release it, I wanted to know what medications are best, I wanted to learn about rage, to delve into the inner workings of rape theory, healing, somatics, breath work, feminism, sex, power and intimacy after rape, I want to learn about PTSD and how to treat it.
I wanted to know if the overwhelm, fear, sadness, sickness, sleepless nights and nightmares was a life sentence that, through no fault of my own, I was never going to be able to escape.
So that's why I get it. I've been where you are. I've experienced and felt EVERY SINGLE OUNCE.